| I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang. | |
| ME: | Hello. |
| AT&T: | Hello, this is AT&T. |
| ME: | Is this AT&T. |
| AT&T: | Yes, this is AT&T ... |
| ME: | This is AT&T. |
| AT&T: | Yes, this is AT&T ... |
| ME: | Is this AT&T.? |
| AT&T: | Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please? |
| ME: | May I ask who is calling? |
| AT&T: | This is AT&T. |
| ME: | OK, hold on. |
| At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting. | |
| ME: | Hello? |
| AT&T: | Is this Mr. Byron? |
| ME: | May I ask who is calling, please? |
| AT&T: | Yes, this is AT&T ... |
| ME: | This is AT&T? |
| AT&T: | Yes, this is AT&T ... |
| ME: | The phone company. |
| AT&T: | Yes, sir. |
| ME: | I thought you said this was AT&T. |
| AT&T: | Yes, sir, we are a phone company. |
| ME: | I already have a phone. |
| AT&T: | We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. |
| ME: | Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day? |
| AT&T: | (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day! |
| ME: | 7 days a week.? |
| AT&T: | That's right. |
| ME: | 365 days a year.? |
| AT&T: | Yes, sir. |
| ME: | I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing! |
| AT&T: | We think so! |
| ME: | That's quite a sum of money! |
| AT&T: | Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up. |
| ME: | OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance? |
| AT&T: | Excuse me? |
| ME: | You know, the 10 cents a minute. |
| AT&T: | What are you talking about? |
| ME: | You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment. |
| AT&T: | Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute. |
| ME: | Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. |
| AT&T: | No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for |
| ME: | THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please? |
| AT&T: | Sir, I don't think that is necessary. |
| ME: | I insist on speaking to a supervisor! |
| AT&T: | Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold. |
| At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner. | |
| SUPERVISOR: | Mr. Byron? |
| ME: | Yeah. |
| SUPERVISOR: | I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. |
| ME: | Is This A T &T? |
| SUPERVISOR: | Yes, sir, it sure is. |
| ME: | (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan. |
| SUPERVISOR: | Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you. |
| ME: | Thank you. |
| I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone. | |
| AT&T: | Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.? |
| ME: | No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother... |
| AT&T: | *click* |
